How to support a friend or family member who has experienced sexual violence

Practical help and support

Try not to leave your loved one alone in the immediate aftermath. Be there for them yourself or involve someone they trust. Experiencing sexual violence can significantly affect a person’s ability to cope with daily life and responsibilities, and they may need help with everyday tasks.

Maintaining a daily routine is important, as it helps restore a sense of safety and stability. Support them in meeting basic needs, such as eating regularly and getting enough rest. Consider whether they may need help with childcare or other daily responsibilities.

Conversations do not always need to focus on what happened, although being able to talk about it with someone they trust is an important part of healing. It is equally important to continue treating your loved one as the same person they were before the experience. Be present, open and supportive, as it helps them feel that they are not alone.

Trauma may lead to sleep disturbances, anxiety, and difficulties with concentration. A person’s sense of safety may be affected, and they may feel afraid to go out alone. Offer to accompany them, for example to medical appointments or to the police. Gently encourage seeking professional support where needed.
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Emotional support

A survivor of sexual violence may experience a wide range of emotions, including shame, insecurity, helplessness, fear, guilt, and anger. Reassure them that you believe them and that you are there to support them. Make it clear that what happened was not their fault, they could not have prevented it.

Empathy and understanding are essential. While what happened cannot be undone, your support can help your loved one move towards healing.

Listen. Being able to talk about the experience over time can be an important part of recovery. Avoid minimising or questioning what they have been through. Allow them to speak as often as they wish. Talking can help them process what happened and make their thoughts and feelings feel more manageable.

Unconditional support

Strong and changing emotions are a natural part of recovery. Acknowledge and validate what your loved one is feeling. Talking about emotions such as sadness, anger, or fear can be helpful.

At times, your loved one may not want to talk at all. They may even seem emotionally numb, and this is also a normal response. Avoidance can sometimes be a way for the mind to rest and regain strength. However, if this continues, gently remind them that you are there to listen whenever they feel ready. If needed, consider seeking professional help together.

It can sometimes be difficult to find the right words. In such moments, simply being present and showing care can offer comfort and reassurance. Physical gestures, such as a hug or holding hands, may help, but always respect personal boundaries, as some people may not want physical contact.

Ask what kind of support they need, and follow their lead. Be patient and allow them to recover at their own pace, without pressure.

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Taking care of yourself

What happened to your loved one can also affect you. You may feel guilt, helplessness, or anger. You might experience sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, or a sense of emotional overwhelm. These reactions are also normal.

It is important to take care of your own wellbeing. Make time for yourself and allow space for your own thoughts and feelings. Talking to someone you trust, writing things down, or engaging in physical activity can help. Try to rest and restore your energy.

Supporting someone else requires strength, so be kind to yourself. Recognise your limits and consider whether you might benefit from speaking to a professional as well.